When it comes to God’s grace, there are certainly no words to describe its magnificence. This time I am certain, confident that God has me in his heart and he has not forgotten his promise to me.
I experienced yet another breakdown during my journey of waiting for God to bless me with a child. But this time, the breakdown did not “break” me. I wish I could safely say that I am more confident, more assured of what is to come. Though my heart still aches, but I am not sorrowful. Though my soul still yearns for God’s promise to be hastened, but I am not impatient. I have learned that what is meant to be, will be what is not, will not be. So I am going to take a step back, breathe and enjoy the life that God has ‘allotted’ to me.
In my recent episode of breakdown, I was almost certain that I will not in any chance have children. But God rebuked that. I was on the brink of brokenness, my soul torn into pieces. My hormone was acting really strange – something that has never happened to me before. I read up about my situation on the Internet and it didn’t sound positive. This is the consequence of relying on my ‘humanly’ wisdom, which what the bible describes as ‘foolishness’. I sent out SOS messages to my best friends, seeking prayers. I was on the verge of losing complete faith in the Lord and hence, believing in his promise was almost an impossible feat for me to accomplish. I told God that I wanted to give up for this wait, this faith is killing me inside. I could not breathe.
It was then a miracle appeared just within a minute after my message was sent out. It was so quick, as though God had intercepted one of my best friends’ network and replied my message on her phone:
“When God promises you, please wait. Look at what Abraham did? Sarah suggested to Abraham to make Hagar become part of the household of Abraham. And Hagar, provided a ready accommodation to this temptation. God never approved it. This is a great warning never to look at sin lightly. One sin can make it easier to do another sin. It is far better what God thinks and let God’s Word be final no matter what others [including myself] say or think. Do you want to birth an Ishmael or Isaac?”
Therefore, given the many messages I received from God about Abraham, Sarah and their son Isaac, I can almost be certain that I will have a son who will be called Isaac as well for he was the one that God approved of.
The next day, I received more affirmation after affirmation from God’s words:
2 Corinthians 1:20 – For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God.
Proverbs 4:13 – Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it.
All my longings lie open before you, Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you … LORD, I wait for you; you will answer, Lord my God
To God, I give him all praise – Amen and Amen.