I have never learned so much about faith until my recent encounter with God’s words in the book of Hebrews. The word ‘Faith’ sounds ambiguous, inconclusive and sometimes confusing before this. I had always thought that once I’ve declared my belief in God, faith comes along with it. But my faith has been tested so much that I’ve begun to doubt its real meaning and effectiveness.
Prayers without faith is like a resounding gong – so says the word in the Bible. My recent understanding about faith has brought about a whole new phase of revelation to me. Hebrews 11:1 writes “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” The phrase “assurance about what we do not see” has been misinterpreted by my confused mind as “something that I don’t see now but I will later on” which I associated with the baby that I never saw, but will see one day.
Then I read on and this verse rings a louder chime, taken from Hebrews 11:39-40 which writes “These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.”
I dawned unto me that the prayers that I’ve been praying for may never be answered, but God has a way of giving telling me what I ought to have, which is something even better and greater – and that I realized and finally internalized – eternal life in heaven! So I succumbed to my fate in my faith that I may not be the mother that I hoped to be, but I can definitely be the child that God wants me to be! From that day on, I started placing my hope in the eternal glory which is heavenward and not get too hung up on my worldly desire for a child – which only brings nothing but eternal ruins and damnation!
So, did I give up my dreams of having a child?
I almost did. Hubs and I decided to start focusing on our own happiness – just US! We splurge on ourselves and started enjoying our lives as thought the world only revolves around us and us only – no babies! I even openly declared with utmost confidence that I am never going to have a child and I am going to tour the world and eat till my heart’s content – not worrying about the finances required to bring up a child. God denied my confidence and rekindled his promise which I so happily deserted earlier:
For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it[a] will certainly come
and will not delay.
17 Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to tread on the heights.
God’s promises never failed … truly and as-a-matter-of-factly! When I thought all is over for me, he brought up these messages to remind me that He has never forgotten about it. And I know for a fact now that my faith is still working in me, although my flesh denies it. God never disappoints me. I know that one day He will answer my prayers.
Though I remain barren, though I will not know the appointed time, though my patience is wearing thin, though doubts clouded my head … yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior for he is my only strength and he lifts me up when my life takes on an uphill battle which I never thought it possible to win if it wasn’t for him!. Amen and amen! Praise the Lord!